Today Anxiety is Winning

Hello Monday…Would you like a cup of Irish Breakfast Tea? It’s heavenly! And it really is although that is one of my favorite lines in a movie I love. Of course she isn’t drinking Irish Breakfast at all, she’s pinched what she thought were tea leaves and they are actually marijuana leaves. It is hilarious!

Today is not heavenly. I’ll admit I am having a heck of time with forgiveness. Should everything and anything under the sun be forgiven? I’m not likely to ever forget it, but when a betrayal of a most personal nature happens, I’m not going to just pop up and forgive you. They say it’s easy. It is not. Because now there are walls up. Trust has been broken. The hurt is emotional and physical.

You gave out information that was not yours to give. To the last person in the world I would have wanted to even know where I live. So today my anxiety and sadness are palpable.

I am a very private person. I also value loyalty to the nth degree. In this world of instant contact and spewing everything about your personal life, I participate to a degree. But never would I gossip about business which is not my own. Now, I think less of you. I don’t trust you. And that’s sad. Because I liked you and gave you another chance already. However I respect myself more.

Sorry guys but it’s not all rainbows and unicorns in the Pirate Nation. Thanks for letting me rant. I have a lot of thinking to do. And I’m so happy I have y’all to help me through this!

xx Patricia

37 thoughts on “Today Anxiety is Winning

  1. Susan Scott says:

    The absolute worst, betrayal by a friend … sorry this happened to you Patricia. I remember someone betraying me and she asked forgiveness by me – I was maybe a bit harsh but I asked her if she could forgive herself first, and then to state in her own words exactly what she was asking forgiveness for .. it made it all less vague and pinpointed the deed as opposed to an overall blanket of forgiveness ..

    Liked by 1 person

  2. jazzyjenness says:

    Patricia,
    My apologies for this late reply. I will make this quick as I don’t want to make this about me. My depression seems to be winning lately which has kept me from accomplishing many things, including checking in on my friends in the blogging world. I am truly sorry that I have not been here for you.
    Betrayal is hard and forgiveness is even harder. We need God to help us to forgive and it won’t happen overnight as I am learning. There are many people that I need to forgive and a part of me feels that I will never will, which is sad for me. Forgiveness as others have mentioned is about faith. We need to accept that whatever the person did to us will never be erased so to speak, but we also don’t have to continue to allow the incident to control us. I know it is hard, and again, it takes time. Ask God for the strength to do it. It says in 1 Thessalonians 5: Pray without ceasing!
    When I was a teenager betrayal I thought was the norm and thought, hey, it will be different when I am an adult. Boy, was I wrong!
    It wasn’t too long ago when I had personal stuff spread throughout my workplace which also led to nasty rumors, nasty things written in certain places and I was viewed by others as cuckoo and other things. It left such an imprint on me that six years later I began questioning my sanity and if I was what some of those people were saying about me at work.
    Again, this isn’t about me it is about you and you do have people that care about you and God is the most important one to remember that cares.
    It is okay to be leery, especially right now because the wound is so fresh, just don’t let it harden your heart. I think that it is harder to soften one’s heart than to forgive.
    God bless you, Patricia.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Diana Jackson says:

    Oh Patricia It is so sad when trust has gone. I can empathise. You feel powerless to put it right. It is a struggle to write posts when you feel that way too or at least I do. It’s impossible just to put on a brave face. Glad you can be honest and I hope sharing helps a little. By the way I’ve never tried Irish tea but I’ve just discovered Scottish tea.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Kate Crimmins says:

    Forgiving is easier than forgetting which I rarely do. Break my trust once and I’m always cautious with you. I had a very good friend divulge some serious health information in the work place. It wasn’t her story to tell and I was really angry. I forgave her and after a while I forgot about it too only to have it happen again (keep in mind I confronted her the first time). Sadly we are no longer close.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. CJ Hartwell says:

    Forgiveness is definitely NOT easy, especially in cases of betrayal. But that doesn’t mean it’s not worth the effort, if only for your own well-being.
    As far as trust goes? That’s a different animal. You can forgive someone but still exercise caution around them. At least that’s how I view it.
    Hope your day gets better!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. E says:

    Betrayal is the worst. It takes a long time to trust again. The walls will be up. It is not a bad thing, it means that you protect yourself. The unfortunate thing is that betrayal of one effects your overall trust levels.
    But, as you know there are many good people out there. You have many following you. Focus on these good ones…and you will get through this. You have proven to be a very resilient person…with humor !
    Love
    E

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Leila Grandemange says:

    First wanted to say, as always I absolutely love your feature images. The purples called to me, and the title touched me. Been where you’re at. Feel your pain. Hang in there. You’re stronger than you know, and forgiveness always wins. That’s been my motto for awhile #forgivnesswins 💕 Thanks for sharing from the heart.

    Liked by 1 person

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