Well, folks, it’s the last day of August. I believe we have lived it to the fullest. No rain this morning and I am sipping the last of my Harney & Sons Blueberry Green Tea. Waiting patiently on the Publisher’s Clearinghouse guys to get here with my giant check and some flowers.
This has been a crazy week of storms, living more than 24 hours without phones, electricity, and the internet. But we made it through. It took a lot of strong tea, a bit of crying and the Anxiety Fairy bringing her snotty little self over with an overnight bag!
With all of the storm nonsense, I forgot about the man with one leg. So, here is how that went down. I was happily floating in the pool, trying to chill when I heard a man’s voice. I look up and there is an older gentleman speaking to me. I said hello, welcomed him to our little community and he proceeded to tell me why he moved here. Buckle up.
The Man: I’m newly single after 50 years of marriage.
Me: Oh, I’m sorry. ( Me thinking the woman is dead)
The Man: Yep, last month was our 50th wedding anniversary and I asked her what she wanted and she said A Divorce. So now I’m looking for a new soulmate to live out my days with.
Me: 50 years? And now she wants out? Wow, that’s a lot of time to put in and not finish it.
The Man: She’s a bitch. After she said that I left. Gave her the house and everything.
Me: That’s rough.
The Man: I used to work in the stock market. Graduated from OU.
Me: That sounds interesting. I wouldn’t lead with the OU thing. I’m SEC.
The Man: That water sure looks good. Maybe I’ll take off my prosthetic leg and sit a bit. I’m blind in my right eye too so are there steps?
Me: Total Silence. In my head: Holy Shitballs, Batman! Do I have some magnet on my head that says Tell me your story???
The Man: Well, I’d better be on my walk. I would love for you to stop by and have a cocktail or dinner sometime.
Me: (In a small squeaky voice) Okay…..
I told OU Boy as soon as he got home and he just shook his head. Now I’m thinking of setting the guy up with my neighbor who is single and closer to death than me. Or maybe not, I really like her and she brings me macarons from Ganache and homegrown tomatoes. Anyway, guys, you may want to wait for the ink to dry on the divorce papers before stalking a new soulmate.
Have a happy Saturday! It’s Football Time! And be safe if you are in the path of Dorian. Most of my family is on that path, so you know what to do.