Life steps in and laughingly says, “Oh, sweetie…no.”

On the Inspiration Board this morning is a picture from St. Thomas. Waiting for my English Breakfast Tea to steep and reading this really great book from Simone St. James.

We are at the end of May and I had such high hopes for June. June 28th is the 2 year anniversary of the dreaded corneal ulcer and the 2 years of treatments and surgeries. So this year I thought I was in the clear and could make plans to hit the beach for a week, go visit my sister, play a lot of golf and tennis and just be happy I don’t have the guard on anymore. But then Life steps in and laughingly says, “Oh, sweetie…no.”

Yesterday was my appointment with Dr. D at the eye institute. We had a heart to heart talk about my progress, why we are moving so slow and where is this all leading? Long story short this June will be no different from the last two. I am having surgery in a couple of weeks. My inbox was full of paperwork this morning as well as a video to watch which I will not do again. No,no. Normally I would have had a lens put back in during my second surgery but it turns out I was missing some rods and stuff to put the lens on. Good news is that I have a lot of good fluid back there, which usually lessens with age. Not mine. Nope. I like to keep as many original parts as possible. So they are going to put me to sleep and go in and surgically sew this new goretex stuff with the lens sewn onto my eyeball. This goretex is what OU Boy’s stints are made of and I will have to carry a card around telling people to back the f*** off my eye!

The reason we hadn’t talked much about this one is because it is risky and he needed to know I understood the risks, such as infection and losing the entire eyeball. Plus I’ll need general anesthesia because even with the twilight sleep stuff I fight the restraints on my arms. I have a strong sense of survival. So that’s that. I’ll be in post-op care for 90 days so there goes another summer down the tubes. But the good news again is that after this surgery they can start taking out stitches from the surgery a year ago when I received the transplant. I still have 11.

I have 5 new drops to fill and each one is around $300. So my lovely doctor broke them down to the 2 components in the one and those two are way cheaper than the one bottle, so it’ll mean more drops but I can still buy shoes.

I am not going to stress about this. I trust my surgeon 100%. He is one of the best in the world. I keep telling myself what a great healer I am. What a great nap I’m going to have. That now I’m a risk taker. Well that one maybe isn’t new. I mean I have no rod thingys because of previous head trauma so obviously I do risky stuff, but this is the right thing, I know.

Today I’m going to just drink tea and sit in the sunshine while I still can!

xx Patricia

HAPPY MAY DAY!

May is starting off bright and sunny this morning! Did you find a May basket on  your door this morning? OU Boy was spot on with his lovely wildflower bouquet. Thanks honey!

Yesterday I was so paralyzed with anxiety. I had to go to the Social Security offices to sign a document. I was not prepared. Way too many people and they have a set up like the airport except you don’t take your shoes off.  That was disconcerting as I wasn’t sure if I had any weapons or not. They even take your pepper spray. Sitting there waiting was torture.

When I finally got to my person to sign a document that had gotten lost in the ethernet, in comes a lady with not one but two ankle monitors! She was here to see why she wasn’t getting her benefits. Seriously? Maybe it has something to do with those bright orange ankle things!

All of that had me wringing my hands and ready to go through the roof. As if that wasn’t enough I also found out yesterday that I have to testify in Federal Court. It was like the Anxiety Fairy brought all of her friends at once and I was like a deer in the headlights.

Today I’m trying very hard to enjoy May Day since it is the most important month of all. Being the month of my birth and all. So I’m starting by sharing my anxiety with y’all and then being kind to myself today. Giving myself a pep talk. It will be all right in the end.

Happy May Day! A new month, a clean slate, another chance to reinvent yourself and your world. Have some tea and be kind to yourself.

xx Patricia

SUNSHINE,BEIGNETS AND TEA

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Lazy Sunday mornings…they are just the best! Even though my other half had to go in this morning, he kindly made no noise and let me sleep. As a reward I am making beignets for him for brunch. Since he is at work building me bookshelves, I should do this.

It has been such a hectic week and yesterday I was going through my jewelry box deciding what to give to the kids to play with and what to do away with and while I have more that the average number of engagement rings, I could not find my current one. Which ramped my anxiety level through the roof. It is my favorite and the only one that I care about. I went through everything in the house and nothing.

I sent OU Boy a text telling him I had lost my engagement ring. His manly response was “Where?” If I knew where it wouldn’t be lost now would it! By the time he got home I was in full-blown crying, hysterical mode. He looked and nothing. I knew I had it when I moved. It never leaves my dresser. In a sudden burst of memory I grabbed my Warby Parker box out of the underwear drawer and there it was, snuggling in the box.Safe and sound.  More tears ensued and after a cup of tea I was calmer.

So life was once again good. Now I’m going to run by Barnes and Noble and grab another tin of tea before the sale is over! Then to the pool or park to get some sun.

Have a good Sunday! Enjoy the sun and some tea. I’m having a pitcher of Lavender-Lemon iced and it is so good!

xx Patricia

Finally We All Meet Harry Potter

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Good Morning! It’s really early for me to be awake. Or up, let’s say. This morning I am pretty much living on Irish Breakfast Tea by Taylor’s. This time change and Spring Break?  So extra!

Yesterday we painted an old coffee table with chalkboard paint for the kids. Great idea! Then we watched Harry Potter for the first time. They have never heard of Harry Potter. Tommy had made wands for them and we already had a Hogwarts scarf and robes/vampire capes. I had never seen the movies either. I read the books, but I’m not a good movie watcher unless I can bring a book. But they loved it and we spent the afternoon working spells and turning ourselves into chocolate frogs. They really aren’t interested in seeing anymore. So I guess it’s just the first one for us.

Then Thor Ragnarök came on and I sighed, “Oh there’s my boyfriend!” to which the five-year old said,” Did you break up with Loki?”. “Nah, sometimes I like one and sometimes I like the other one.” 

Since it was a rare windless day we all went out and played a little baseball. We use a tennis ball, well because I don’t want any broken faces. The kids are loving those little tea bag holder fisherman. Yesterday I looked at Corbins and he had all 4 in his cup. They were fishing.

When I look at these two little miracles my heart just expands. It’s still such a miracle. And that’s what they think everything is. An odd rock, a feather, a fairy shoe….everything is magical and new through their eyes. And I had a thought, what if just for 24 hours we looked at everyone and everything as a tiny miracle. How would that change us?

Today is going to be a quiet day because I need it to be. Corbin is sleeping over tonight and Charli isn’t happy about that. Next week she will sleep over. Then Thursday they are off to Dallas to their Grandpa Bob’s house. My ex. In Texas. Yep. He is having hip replacement and besides his grown children he also has a 5 and 7-year-old. Gotta love Karma!  But I’ve told them to be good helpers and kind to their aunt/uncle…whatever.

I still have my rubber band on my wrist so I’m not saying anything about that subject except it is funny. So we are off to walk the neighborhood and document any signs of Spring or dead bugs or roadkill. The boy is as morbid as I am.

Enjoy your Wednesday. Stay warm and safe up north! Share some tea and some love with someone who needs it today!

xx Patricia   Just don’t be a butthead (Corbin,5)

IMAGINING WHAT TIME LOOKS LIKE

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Although I may not know the correct time, I do know it is Sunday. I could not figure out why I was so groggy this morning. After a nice strong cup of Irish Breakfast I went to rinse my cup and the microwave said “WTF are you doing in the kitchen at this ungodly hour I am displaying?” To which I replied, “WTF? Am I dead?”

Creeping back into my bedroom I asked Tommy what time it was. He told me.

Me: No, really, what time is it?

Him: No, really, the time changed. The correct time is on the alarm clock or your phone.

Me: Time doesn’t change! What devilry is this? What am I supposed to do now?

Him: I have an errand to run. Bye.

Me: Gutless Coward! I will not give in to these shenanigans.

Bottom line? I have no idea what time it is.  The past few days have been rather emotional for me. I don’t know why. My brain is probably figuring some stuff out.

Last night we had a quiet night in. Grabbed some grub at the Black Bear Diner. And came home and snuggled on the sofa to watch Thor: Ragnarok. Because Thor and Loki are my favorite boyfriends. It was hilarious. Then we had a mug cake and went to bed.

So sometime in the night someone changed the time. This has to be the dumbest thing ever. What is the point? We have electricity now so we don’t need to change time to have more daylight. And this entire daylight savings time…what is that? Where are we saving the daylight at? I definitely want in on that. Questions people? Inquiring minds want to know what idiot thought this one up!

I am off on an adventure to the pharmacy, maybe Frank will be able to figure out the time for me, or at least give me something to wean myself off the loss of time. Hang in there y’all, I shall return with answers. Or drugs, Whichever!

Happy Sunday!   xx Patricia  Have Tea, Be Nice, Clip Your Nose Hairs!

WHY FIT IN WHEN YOU CAN STAND OUT?

I try to space out my flamingo obsession but they are so darn cute! It is way past time to post today, but it has been a strange week. Stranger than normal. Grab your cup, this is going to get weird!

All week it’s been raining. Except today, and I’m not trusting it just yet. I’m still a little off course with this inner ear thing and we all know I can’t see crap. Yesterday I was in a hurry to get in the bathtub so I didn’t turn on the light in my closet and just reached in and grabbed some underwear.

I was still in the tub when the phone rang and I had to get out in a hurry and put some pants on. It was then that I realized I was wearing my funeral underwear! And after that things just went wonky the rest of the day. For those of you who may not know what funeral underwear is, since Tommy is sure I made it up, but if something should happen to me, those are the underwear I want to be buried in. Virginal white lace and all. I have a dress too, but I’m not sure on that. The underwear may just be enough depending on the temperature of where I end up.

This morning I had just made my first cup of tea and was ready to take a sip back in the bed when the phone rang. It was Tommy telling me a friend’s wife was going to stop by to pick up some paperwork he left here. Me: What?? When?? Tommy: She’s about to pull up now. Me: For shit’s sake man, I’m in my underwear and I haven’t even had a cup of tea! What the eternal fuck??? Tommy: Dead Silence.

So yes I pulled on pants and ran the stuff out to her. She really is lovely. And drives a purple truck. Bonus points!

So now I have to find new funeral underwear. I am not wearing used panties in church!

Update on the oatmeal! First thanks for all the other flavor combos. This morning I took one of the little muffin/cupcake portions out and tossed it in a bowl, added a tiny bit of almond milk and heated it up. Still good!

Happy Sunday to you all!

xx Patricia

Have Some Tea, It Will Get Better

Well we made it to Friday. Today I’m using my coupons to re-stock the tea stash. Who knows what I’ll find! It’s like a treasure hunt. And it is supposed to be in the 80’s again today. Now if the wind would stop blowing it would be perfect!

I’m just going to tell you that it has not been a perfect week. Not even close, although my flu symptoms are doing better. It’s been one of those weeks where you thought your life was going one way, but then you find out it was all just a lie. So today I am sad. Endings are hard and messy and sad. I have high standards and I refuse to lower them for any person.

Thanks for listening. I’ll be okay. Just not today.

I feel broken inside and I just can't believe I'll ever feel any differently. I don't know how to heal myself. I try but just when I think I'm getting somewhere, it disappears like sand through my fingers. Will I ever feel whole again? Life has worn me down so much, I just don't know anymore. What keeps me going? I truly don't know Xx ❤❤

xx Patricia

 

To All Of My Loves…XXOO

Happy Valentine’s Day to us all! Especially to these three munchkins! I love you all to the moon and back.

When you have the right person in your life, everyday is Valentine’s Day! Or Love Day as we call it!

 

   And a big Happy Birthday to the best Valentine I ever received! Shawn Patrick, you are practically perfect in every way! And I love you!

xx Patricia

HAPPY MARDI GRAS, Y’ALL!!!

Oh, Mardi Gras Season! Today all the big parades will roll well into the night. Beads, cups, plush toys and more will be tossed to kids and drunks alike, yelling, “Throw Me Something,Mister!” Today there is no open container law, and the more outrageous your float and your attire, the better!

Next week we will begin planning next year’s events. Balls, parties, fund-raisers, hiring of choreographers to whip us into shape for the balls our krewes will host.

And at midnight, the poor sanitation guys will be out in force with their little scoopers to clean all that mess up. Until next year.

We here at the Krewe of Hera are all still dragging with this flu. The past couple of days have just been a haze of juice, snot, fevers and whining. I’m the one whining. Corbin is the one who is fascinated all of a sudden with digging in his nose like there’s gold in there. I have talked until I’m blue in the face about this, but apparently boys are just gross. I say this after watching him pick a booger and wipe it on the wall! I thought Charli Ava and I were going to throw up!

Luckily OU Boy was home yesterday to help wrangle the sickly. I asked him to run to the store and pick up some more caps for the boy’s cap gun. He came back with that plus two nerf guns and an extra 30 foam darts. Which Corbin proceeded to shoot us all with. After he licked the tops. Thanks, babe. By last night everyone had fever, but nothing over 99 so let’s hope going back to school doesn’t make things worse.

Have yourself a drink for Mardi Gras! And in keeping with the Tea Theme, I’ll have a Long Island Ice Tea. Or a Hurricane. Or a shot!

xx Patricia cafe au lait and beignets at Cafe du Monde, New Orleans, Louisiana #CoffeeTime

A Chilly Morning With Earl Grey

Enjoying a nice cup of Earl Grey this chilly morning. We were supposed to get freezing drizzle and snow or some form of wet last night, but nope. Still sunny, still dry.

It’s been a week since the plague descended on us and I still haven’t managed to get my fever under 99.5. But I think I’m on the mend. OU Boy, not so much. But then he doesn’t listen and eats crap and won’t take his meds. So on the one hand I don’t feel sorry for him but on the other, he is still going to work everyday and I should cut him some slack for that, but seriously don’t expect me to feel sorry for you if you won’t help yourself heal. I am not that person.

In case anyone was wondering….the above picture perfectly shows what I expect to show up at my door on Galentine Day! We tried calling it V-Day, but Corbin said vagina and we all dissolved into 5-year-old hysterics, so now it’s Galentine Day.

My little munchkins will be here Saturday and I can’t wait! The markers and paints are at the ready and who knows what will happen!

Now I shall go back to bed and read. I’m reading a cookbook. Kind of like Science Fiction…it’s cool, but it’s not going to happen!

xx Patricia