The ANXIETY FAIRY SNUCK IN THE HOUSE!

Good All Hallows Eve! Blessed Samhain! I haven’t even had any tea yet and it is almost noon. Why? I’m waiting on that plumber again!

Also the Anxiety Fairy snuck in the door this morning and all I want to do is cry. Part of it is the distance between myself and some people I love. Physical distance and emotional. I want to do something about that but in come all of the ‘What If’s”. What if I’m bothering them? What if they don’t want to hear from me? What if they think I don’t love them?

Do they understand I have a severe anxiety disorder and PTSD from something that happened where they live? Will they understand just hearing an accent from there will put me right back on the floor? Or the shame and guilt I still live with? Of course it’s irrational, the logical brain of mine knows. My body and my heart, not so much.

But I’m going to try. I’m going to extend a hand. New year, new me. Courage is doing it while being scared out of your mind. That’s brave, right?

Tonight I will sweep the old out the door and invite the fey in to dance and eat peanut butter cups. Note to self: You may have a peanut butter problem babe!

Happy Whatever you are doing! Thanks for being here.

xx P

BLASTING NEGATIVITY WITH LOVE

 

Happy Friday! It is so windy today, my poor flowers are all leaning to the left! It sounds like my eye and I will be staying inside today. I’m on my second mug of Scottish Breakfast Tea with a splash of almond milk.

I’m watching out the window as the wind is just beating my flowers making them lean to the left and thinking. When the winds and showers stop and the sun comes out those flowers will again stand straight and tall. They are not fighting the wind, they are just going with the flow. They are strong yet flexible. They aren’t just giving up and laying down. They aren’t jealous of the strong trees, they are just working together as a group, trusting in their roots.

Once in a while I’ll let someone else’s worries and insecurities spill over into my own life. I hate it when it happens but I’m getting much better at recognizing it and cutting it off quickly. And these days it is hard not to worry. Our nation is being ugly. We messed up and hired someone we knew was a crook and now we have only ourselves to blame for having a President who is a bully, a name caller and a liar. And somehow that has made it okay for everyone to be that way. Well, if the president is doing it, it must be all right. Well it’s not all right and it needs to stop. I want common decency. Respect. Tolerance. Charity. Empathy. I don’t want negativity, gossip, lies and abuse of powers.

As for me and my house, we are standing strong. If you have something ugly to say, don’t. Be an example, not a horrible warning. Say what you mean and mean what you say.  Don’t repeat gossip or lies. Be true to your word and your self.

Today just blast the shit out of everyone with love. That is really all you have to do. Love thy neighbor. And not just the next door ones. Treat everyone with love and see how your own soul sings.

Have a wonderful day and if you feel yourself slipping into negative thoughts or speech, go make a pot of tea and fill your mouth with that.

xx Patricia

 

 

HUSTLING FOR THE PRETTY THINGS!

What a busy morning I’ve had already. Thought I would take a break and share some pretty pictures with you all. I’m sipping on some Ahmad Lemon Ginger Tea for my sore throat and fielding phone calls from plumbers and clients.

Nothing will get me out of the depression fairy’s grip than having a room come together. Yesterday C. was ready for the hardware and drapes to go on the living room window, which is about 170 inches across. In this remodel my guys have finished the roof work, fence, new plumbing and electric as well as the HVAC system, most of the interior painting is done and those blinds had to go.

This is our color palette. Pale yellow walls with an even paler blue ceiling in the formal living room, the great room, the dining room. Coral walls in the kitchen and I really love the coral as an accent wall in the great room above the fireplace. The kitchen cabinets are being kept as all the wood is original and in great shape. We are painting them white with glass doors. We are definitely going for a Caribbean feel.

It’s hard to be sad when you are creating something beautiful from just the germ of an idea. Today we are going to handle the drapes in the great room. The crown drawer pulls were C’s idea and I wasn’t sure how that would turn out but if he wants them I’ll make them work.

The plumber was here to look at my condensate leak which has mysteriously dried up on its own. But he agreed from the evidence he’ll need to open the unit and check on it.

Which meant I had to actually put on clothes first thing this morning which wasn’t fun.

So off to pick up some drapery hardware and meet OU Boy at the house later to install those.

Thanks for the well wishes! It means so much to know you aren’t alone in the bad times.

xx Patricia

OOPS, I DID IT AGAIN…SORRY!

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I did. I totally forgot our anniversary on the 11th. I have never gotten it right. Once in a while I wake up bubbly ( you know that’s a lie) and say Happy Anniversary on the 10th.  And OU Boy reminds me it’s the 11th. I think I have a perfectly good excuse. My niece was born on the 11th, my sister on the 12th. Those dates are chiseled into my brain. If you add another event on those days, I’m not going to remember it.

Yesterday I tried to stay off of Social Media because I was in a bad mood. Tears for no apparent reason, picking a row with anyone I met. Yep, the Depression Fairy had somehow wormed her way into my head. I was just so unbearably sad. So I decided to clean the closets. Things were going well even as I used a lot of foul language about the empty float boxes in OU Boy’s closet. Really?? And then I went for the hall coat closet. Where I store all of my blankets and vintage linens on the top shelf. I reached for them and water poured down my arm and the smell of mildew was overwhelming.

There was a leak in the a/c line. I cried, I cussed, I cleaned it all out and had to get rid of a few things and start soaking others. When I took out the trash my neighbor asked how I was today. “Not today, Bert. Not Today.” Not proud of that. So basically my life was over now. I did a mental inventory of the things that had happened leading up to this and I could see quite plainly what the issue was. Stand next to negative people and see if you don’t start feeling upset, unsettled and just bad. So I made a cup of Earl Grey, grabbed a book and sat in the bath for 2 hours.

Today I’m still not 100 percent on the sadness, but that’s depression, she comes and goes as she pleases. Basically I am a creature of habit. Order. Not a speck out-of-place. And when that doesn’t happen I freak out. Today I am going to just float in the pool and try to drown that particular fairy!

Have a good one!  And thanks for always listening and encouraging!

xx Patricia

A WELL BALANCED LIFE

Monday morning is hot and sunny. We are truly into summer here. This morning I’m loving this Blueberry Green Iced Tea. Very hydrating and just tastes like summer.

I’ve also been thinking a lot about balance. I can’t be all things to all people. It’s difficult to find balance. Between work, home, children and partners. When I’m 100% there for my babies, I’m ignoring work. When I’m working, I am totally in the zone and ignoring my family. I find it hard to say NO to anything, well except cooking, I say no to that on a daily basis.

How do we find time to nurture ourselves? And why do I feel so darned guilty when I do say no and spend an entire day floating in the pool, doing absolutely nothing? With all of the recent suicides I have come to realize that when you’re dead, you’re dead. Life will go on and all those people will find someone else to do my job and it won’t have mattered that I worked my ass off. No one is crawling in the grave with you and you’ve wasted precious time being miserable.

I work better with a routine. I work until 10 a.m. then I lay around and read, which is technically work but also a passion. I like to have everything done by the time OU Boy gets home and from then on I don’t even get on the computer. He has all of my attention whether he wants it or not. When the babies are here I follow the same schedule and just incorporate them into my day. The only person getting short-changed is me. I feel selfish taking time to do nothing. And that is where Yoga comes in to play. It feels like a guilty indulgence but it helps me to keep my balance.

That is what the topic is today, balance, and how we maintain that. Because this is my life. This is your life. No one can tell you how to live it. Unless you’re a nun, then maybe they can and do. But you aren’t a nun. You are a woman. Busy and being pulled in a million different direction and you somehow manage to balance it. How do you manage to balance it all?

xx Patricia    Just to prove I do wear clothes.  xxoo

YOU CAN’T JUST SHAKE IT OFF

It’s officially the week-end! I have been MIA for a couple of days. It’s insanely hot and we are sticking to iced teas right now. Green based tea full of flavor and adding some fruit.

When the tiny terrorists are here my focus is strictly on them. We have a routine now that works very well for us. Pool from 10 to 12. Lunch and rest and re-hydrate until 3 and then back to the pool for a couple of hours followed by dinner. All this fresh air and exercise has them eating like ravenous wolves at ever meal!

For some reason it feel as if the Depression Fairy has been lingering over my head and yesterday was the worst. There is no ‘shake it off’ or ‘don’t be sad’. That’s not how it works. The best I can do is wait it out. I do that by being quiet. Hiding out in my house. I would say I’m worried about the upcoming eye surgery, but I’m not. I don’t know where this particular fairy came from but I have a feeling it’s because I’ve had too much ‘peopling’.

Today I’m by myself, reading and just being kind to myself. I know this will pass. I was assaulted on Tuesday. By a very drunk woman. I would say lady but the stuff coming out of her mouth was anything but ladylike. The police were called and they politely explained to her what ‘drunk in public’ meant. Then she was banned from the property. I’m still in shock that another woman would put her hands on me. This just isn’t my life. One thing I’ve learned from it is that money and class do not necessarily go together.

So pardon me if I’m quiet for a bit. I know you all understand.

xx Patricia