We’re All Mad Here!

Blue Monday. Since I was having Harney and Sons Yellow and Blue Tea this morning. It’s a lovely blend of Chamomile and Lavender with Cornflowers. It’s caffeine free and very calming. And since I am seeing my therapist in a couple of hours I needed calm.

Not so much from the visit, it’s the people in the waiting room. They seem to want to talk before they go in. A warm up I guess of what they are paying someone to hear them talk about.

The weather is still weird. Shorts one day and all the clothes you own the next. But none of the dreaded snow they keep predicting. We just had the one day of snow. If you blinked you missed it.

The stress of waiting for Tommy’s surgery is making me a bit snippy. I was outside yesterday when a neighbor commented that she loved the Menorah in my window. And then she said, ‘ I didn’t know you were Jewish.’ To which I said,” Well deep down and going all the way back, aren’t we all really?” I’m fairly sure she won’t talk to me again. Sarcasm is running rampant. And it isn’t even a menorah. It’s a candelabra set a friend gave us and it is beautiful and blue and was made by the company that originally made toilets. During the big war they didn’t have as much demand for those so until the war was over they made beautiful oval commode bowls and these double candle holders.

So I have to go cook now. Tommy can barely walk and this is seriously impacting my food delivery system. And my grocery shopping. I did cook a turkey Friday. I didn’t actually touch it or anything. I went and found my neighbor and he pulled out the icky bits and all I had to do was put in the oven. I wasn’t sure about the ‘neck’. I almost threw up when that came out. But Tommy was impressed and ate it and isn’t dead, so now I’m a gourmet cook.

Monday Love! xx P

Today’s Mood….Tired With a Touch of Anxiety

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So far Monday has been a multiple cups of strong tea day. It was 20 degrees outside and cold!

This has been a week-end. And because it has been a pretty bad one which included a trip to the ER, a lot of tears and hopefully soon some answers.

I am trying to keep that darn anxiety fairy quiet and calmly digest what our next move should be so OU Boy and I posted up on the sofas and watched Netflix. He was doped up on pain meds and I was randomly bursting into tears so watching Grace and Frankie was good. We cried, we laughed and went to bed very early as we had not slept the night before.

So, for a bit I may not be here as much. My first job is this man I love and I’m determined to fix him. All good wishes and prayers are welcome and appreciated.

xx P

Rooibus Chai from Harney and Sons and a Tree!

Rooibus Chai from Harney and Sons is up this morning and we are having a heat wave! It’s 54 degrees now. But Tuesday it was 40 mph winds and colder than a well diggers bum! I had on several layers and my fur boots so I was good. I did refuse to wear socks. My feet hate socks. They are so offended by them for some reason. I believe they think why is this woman getting pedicures if we have to wear socks? Good Question tootsies!

The lake is where we run and I really wanted to make sure my tree was okay, so here I stand with a snowflake on my face and trying not to blow over! My cousin saw this picture and asked me if I even owned a real coat. I do. But as Cynthia can tell you our weather is a bit schizoid. For the past two winters I haven’t even needed a coat!

About the tea. This one I haven’t tried before and I was quite happy with it. I drank an entire pot. The first steeping was nice but the second was better. So I would happily recommend it. With all of those warming spices to get your blood pumping you can’t beat it.

My sister just brought home a tiny little 2 pound Shipoo. ShihTzu Poodle mix. It is so adorable. You know how when you hold a new baby and smell it and your entire womb is screaming ‘I want one so bad’? That’s me with this puppy. I want one so bad! But then I think of our unpredictable weather and think, really? You want to pick up poo from something that doesn’t even have a job? Just give me a chicken. At least I’ll eat eggs everyday.

Today I have turned in all of my work and I am going shopping on-line. For a robot. And I have a feeling he would like Rock Em Sock Em Robots just as well, but we want him to learn how to build one and be productive one day.

Enjoy and stay toasty!

xx P

 

The ANXIETY FAIRY SNUCK IN THE HOUSE!

Good All Hallows Eve! Blessed Samhain! I haven’t even had any tea yet and it is almost noon. Why? I’m waiting on that plumber again!

Also the Anxiety Fairy snuck in the door this morning and all I want to do is cry. Part of it is the distance between myself and some people I love. Physical distance and emotional. I want to do something about that but in come all of the ‘What If’s”. What if I’m bothering them? What if they don’t want to hear from me? What if they think I don’t love them?

Do they understand I have a severe anxiety disorder and PTSD from something that happened where they live? Will they understand just hearing an accent from there will put me right back on the floor? Or the shame and guilt I still live with? Of course it’s irrational, the logical brain of mine knows. My body and my heart, not so much.

But I’m going to try. I’m going to extend a hand. New year, new me. Courage is doing it while being scared out of your mind. That’s brave, right?

Tonight I will sweep the old out the door and invite the fey in to dance and eat peanut butter cups. Note to self: You may have a peanut butter problem babe!

Happy Whatever you are doing! Thanks for being here.

xx P

My New Normal Turns Out To Be My Old Normal!

I am so sorry tea, but that Southern Pecan coffee is insanely delicious and I needed a major jolt this morning.

Today is the final day of classes on the Migration and Life Cycle of the Monarch Butterfly as well as the Fall Festival at school. We had the fourth graders yesterday and they were fun. Those questions though. How long does it live ( 4-6 weeks) How do you know if it’s a boy or girl? (Spots) Does it poop? At that one my little friend by the pencil popped out a nugget and of course all the boys wanted to touch the poo. The only thing left in the hatchery is a chrysalis and a new butterfly and 2 caterpillars. One Monarch and one Swallowtail. They will all be released today.

The kids wrote about the life cycle and then made terrariums. Tommy showed up right before school let out and we planted some herbs and stuff in the salad garden. Each grade has a raised patch to tend. They graph the progress and learn a lot of lessons in the garden.

So it turns out my ‘new’ normal, is really my old profession. Teaching. But this time on a volunteer basis. I’m loving it. Kids are in my comfort zone and I get to see my boy at school. Yesterday while waiting on pick up he was snuggled up with some blonde floozy until PaPa saw him. Then he proceeded to tell all his friends that I was making him a Jurassic World cake for Saturday. I did not know this.

On a weird note…I received a friend request on IG from a real live Saudi Prince! Verified. I told him I don’t talk to men on the internet so he suggested Hangouts so we could plan our future life together. Is it bad that I thought about it for like 5 seconds? Then I blocked him.

Have a great Friday and look for the last of the Monarchs headed south!

xx Patricia

Oh ALLERGIES! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? (SARCASM)

Esos 5 minutos que se necesitan para volver a estar de verdad en el mundo....

Even after a huge cup of Earl Grey Supreme, I could still return to the loving embrace of my bed. We are over here sneezing, coughing, and miserable. Allergies have returned with a vengeance. The only speaking going on is one of us saying, “Uh” or “Uh Uh”.

This rain is just miserable. Thankfully our friends on the Gulf Coast were spared extreme damage, but it’s still a mess.

I made a horrible mistake yesterday by watching the confirmation sham over Kavanaugh. This has to be the worst thing I have ever seen. I would not have been surprised if the whole lot of them got throttled by Kamala Harris. So many old men in one place. So my anxiety was amped up more than it should have been. Today I’m not even turning the television on. We are taking to the bed with books and tea and hoping the world rights itself soon.

All the shoe burning was interesting. Here’s the thing. You already paid for the shoes. Nike doesn’t give a shit what you do to them. Personally we went and bought more. Because we aren’t ignorant or racist. Nike will be just fine.

I shall be off of my soap box now and heading to the bed that is whispering my name! Have a wonderful day and Be Kind.

xx Patricia

IT’S CLEAN SHEET DAY!

I didn’t get to have my morning tea so I’m just taking a break now to brew a pot!

I had a therapy appointment early and it lasted 2 hours. So today I’m feeling soft and vulnerable and depleted. I had a lot to hand over to the therapist. Gobs of toxic crap. And it didn’t help that I ate part of a Reese’s cup last night and had sugar shock today.

Yesterday we loaded up the Landie and headed to the lake. I use that term very loosely as you’re as likely to find a body part as a bass! But here I am just floating in our own little private spot and OU Boy says, ” There is a dragonfly sitting on your butt.” Okay, I’m all right with that. “Oh no it’s two and they are doing it on your butt!” These are the conversations we have. Then right in front of me a huge bass leaped out of the water and splashed 1 drop of water into my eye and I almost came undone. I’m still on the no water in the eye stage of post-op. Luckily OU Boy waded out and flushed my eye with sterile drops. I looked at him and said, “If you see that fish jump and land on me, you better get your ass in here and grab it.” His answer? ” If I see that thing jump on you I’ll be running to the car because it’s probably a man-eating piranha!” So you would just leave me here? “Uh, yeah.”

We did have a good hike. A steep incline in 40 mph winds at 105 degrees will bring out the ugly in you really quick! My legs are still burning! All in all it was a good day. And I needed that. There is nothing like the peace and quiet at the lake during the week. I had just had my fill of ugliness and needed to withdraw to my lair and think good thoughts.

Now I’m going to drink copious amounts of tea and finish this book, The Teacher. Which is gorier than Don Winslow!

xx Patricia

 

BLASTING NEGATIVITY WITH LOVE

 

Happy Friday! It is so windy today, my poor flowers are all leaning to the left! It sounds like my eye and I will be staying inside today. I’m on my second mug of Scottish Breakfast Tea with a splash of almond milk.

I’m watching out the window as the wind is just beating my flowers making them lean to the left and thinking. When the winds and showers stop and the sun comes out those flowers will again stand straight and tall. They are not fighting the wind, they are just going with the flow. They are strong yet flexible. They aren’t just giving up and laying down. They aren’t jealous of the strong trees, they are just working together as a group, trusting in their roots.

Once in a while I’ll let someone else’s worries and insecurities spill over into my own life. I hate it when it happens but I’m getting much better at recognizing it and cutting it off quickly. And these days it is hard not to worry. Our nation is being ugly. We messed up and hired someone we knew was a crook and now we have only ourselves to blame for having a President who is a bully, a name caller and a liar. And somehow that has made it okay for everyone to be that way. Well, if the president is doing it, it must be all right. Well it’s not all right and it needs to stop. I want common decency. Respect. Tolerance. Charity. Empathy. I don’t want negativity, gossip, lies and abuse of powers.

As for me and my house, we are standing strong. If you have something ugly to say, don’t. Be an example, not a horrible warning. Say what you mean and mean what you say.  Don’t repeat gossip or lies. Be true to your word and your self.

Today just blast the shit out of everyone with love. That is really all you have to do. Love thy neighbor. And not just the next door ones. Treat everyone with love and see how your own soul sings.

Have a wonderful day and if you feel yourself slipping into negative thoughts or speech, go make a pot of tea and fill your mouth with that.

xx Patricia

 

 

HUSTLING FOR THE PRETTY THINGS!

What a busy morning I’ve had already. Thought I would take a break and share some pretty pictures with you all. I’m sipping on some Ahmad Lemon Ginger Tea for my sore throat and fielding phone calls from plumbers and clients.

Nothing will get me out of the depression fairy’s grip than having a room come together. Yesterday C. was ready for the hardware and drapes to go on the living room window, which is about 170 inches across. In this remodel my guys have finished the roof work, fence, new plumbing and electric as well as the HVAC system, most of the interior painting is done and those blinds had to go.

This is our color palette. Pale yellow walls with an even paler blue ceiling in the formal living room, the great room, the dining room. Coral walls in the kitchen and I really love the coral as an accent wall in the great room above the fireplace. The kitchen cabinets are being kept as all the wood is original and in great shape. We are painting them white with glass doors. We are definitely going for a Caribbean feel.

It’s hard to be sad when you are creating something beautiful from just the germ of an idea. Today we are going to handle the drapes in the great room. The crown drawer pulls were C’s idea and I wasn’t sure how that would turn out but if he wants them I’ll make them work.

The plumber was here to look at my condensate leak which has mysteriously dried up on its own. But he agreed from the evidence he’ll need to open the unit and check on it.

Which meant I had to actually put on clothes first thing this morning which wasn’t fun.

So off to pick up some drapery hardware and meet OU Boy at the house later to install those.

Thanks for the well wishes! It means so much to know you aren’t alone in the bad times.

xx Patricia

OOPS, I DID IT AGAIN…SORRY!

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I did. I totally forgot our anniversary on the 11th. I have never gotten it right. Once in a while I wake up bubbly ( you know that’s a lie) and say Happy Anniversary on the 10th.  And OU Boy reminds me it’s the 11th. I think I have a perfectly good excuse. My niece was born on the 11th, my sister on the 12th. Those dates are chiseled into my brain. If you add another event on those days, I’m not going to remember it.

Yesterday I tried to stay off of Social Media because I was in a bad mood. Tears for no apparent reason, picking a row with anyone I met. Yep, the Depression Fairy had somehow wormed her way into my head. I was just so unbearably sad. So I decided to clean the closets. Things were going well even as I used a lot of foul language about the empty float boxes in OU Boy’s closet. Really?? And then I went for the hall coat closet. Where I store all of my blankets and vintage linens on the top shelf. I reached for them and water poured down my arm and the smell of mildew was overwhelming.

There was a leak in the a/c line. I cried, I cussed, I cleaned it all out and had to get rid of a few things and start soaking others. When I took out the trash my neighbor asked how I was today. “Not today, Bert. Not Today.” Not proud of that. So basically my life was over now. I did a mental inventory of the things that had happened leading up to this and I could see quite plainly what the issue was. Stand next to negative people and see if you don’t start feeling upset, unsettled and just bad. So I made a cup of Earl Grey, grabbed a book and sat in the bath for 2 hours.

Today I’m still not 100 percent on the sadness, but that’s depression, she comes and goes as she pleases. Basically I am a creature of habit. Order. Not a speck out-of-place. And when that doesn’t happen I freak out. Today I am going to just float in the pool and try to drown that particular fairy!

Have a good one!  And thanks for always listening and encouraging!

xx Patricia